I Drank This: An Aloe Vera Drink with Mango!

2014-08-13 22.17.44Perhaps my first mistake was thinking, “Hey, this is only a dollar, why not buy it?” but it certainly was  a mistake to drink this infernal concoction.

This all happened on a chance grocery run to a local dollar store. Yes, I said grocery run … to a dollar store. It’s a small town, so quality grocery shopping requires an extended trip to the next city over. It is terrible for a foodie like me, so when I see something new there, it becomes even more alluring. On this particular trip, I spotted a small section of new beverages featuring Aloe Vera as a major ingredient.

Perhaps you’re more worldly than I am, but my immediate reaction was, You can drink that? I am no stranger to the stuff in lotion form – I am super white and the sun burns me fast if I don’t take precautions. Aloe Vera is the little relief a sunburnt white kid like me can easily find.

It was surprisingly not bad. AT FIRST. The Mango hid the fact that I was drinking what I am used to lathering my pink, inflamed flesh with. It has chunks of … something in it. Drinks shouldn’t be chunky. Ever.

The longer I drink it, the more pronounced the aloe flavor became. My mouth quickly began refusing access to the liquid. Soon, my lips rebelled too. The mango-y flavor was nice, but the medicinal taste of aloe overcame it over time and destroyed any interest I had in ever finishing.

Afterward, the inside of my mouth felt coated with a strange, slick substance. It was alien and unpleasant. It tasted exactly like I had swallowed a bottle of aloe vera gel, only a Trojan Horse called mango and the expectation that everything I buy at a grocery store be edible had misled me to do so.

I cannot, will not, and do not recommend.

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Kitchen Tips: How to Slice a Mango

I love eating mangoes. I often get the pre-cut frozen chunks and eat those, but that is expensive. I used to hate peeling and slicing fresh mangoes and worried that I’d cut myself handling the slimy things. Then I learned how to do it properly.
sliced mango
First, you need to  find a ripe mango. Look for ones that are colorful and mostly red and yellow but still firm. There can be a little bit of green color, but the more red and yellow they are, the better.

Don’t try to peel the skin off of them, that just makes them harder to handle. As you will see from the picture, you will be cutting segments off from around the pit, then scoring the flesh, turning it inside out, and pushing the chunks off the skin.

Start with the “cheeks” of the mango. First, make a shallow cut along the base where the stem was to make it easier to stand the fruit on end. You should be able to tell approximately where the pit is by finding the top ridge of the fruit and starting your first cut about a half inch from the ridge. Cut as close to the pit as you can without cutting into the pit. Do the same for the second cheek.

This will leave a ring of fruit around the outside edge of the pit, and there may be some along the pit you can shave off it you want. Carefully cut the ring of fruit off the outer edges of the pit.

Now, carefully slice in a grid pattern along the cheeks, trying not to cut through the skin. Then turn the skin inside out, which will separate the chunks (or wedges if you prefer), making them easy to pull off the skin. Use your fingers or the back of a spoon to separate the chunks from the skin. Enjoy!